first order of business:  why October, why do you have snow?

I kid you not, there is snow on the ground up here.  About 2 inches.  And we might get more this weekend.  I hope it doesn't kill all the leaves.  I love the colors of autumn.

I went back to the doctor since my neck is still swollen.  Though, it has gone down since before.  The good news: I don't have mono apparently.  Certain stuff has gone down, more good news.  I either have a virus or something with my thyroid.  I'll know by monday about my thyroid.  If this is a virus, this is a crazy beast.  I've never had my lymph nodes swollen this much for this long. 

I've been busy trying to get stuff done for classes.  We're in a lull, but I can't afford to fall behind.  I just don't have the motivation anymore.  I'm tired and burnt out.  My brother is coming home so I might be able to go and see him.  I also have to change the breaks in my car.  Beyond that, it's agoing.  I'll probably clean my disorganized room and get something to eat.

Why is it that everytime I try to see my friends, I have to drop out?  Will someone just explain to me, cause it's pissing me off.

I can't go see trin at the amusement park.  Why?  I'm suppose to take it easy, not drink, and avoid high impact stuff.  If I don't, my spleen could rupture.  I hate being sick.

Everything just hurts.  And my throat..it's so swollen, I can feel my lymph nodes and the ridges in my esophogus.  I'm going to go lie down now. 

I've been so busy this month, its not even funny.  I've finally moved into my new place.  I love having a room again.  There was so much drama with this, I could blab for an hour.  I don't really have time.

My internship is the most hectic, tiring, and scariest thing I have EVER done.  We can type ~20 pages of notes a day and get test on said notes two days later.  And, this happens over and over.  I have an exam everyday this week.  And, we're starting to learn how to draw blood from people.  I tried it today and ended up hitting someone's nerve.  Not a good thing.  The scariest part isn't the school work, it's the future.  I am learning things that can help or hurt someone.  People die quickly and the one things that could help them it being able to do my job correctly.  Because, I could kill someone.  Not doing a test can cost time and confuse the doctor.  It can lead to the wrong diagnosis and end up taking time, time people could be dying in.  It's...world shaking.  It's like the difference between being in high school and the real world.  In high school, you  think about the world in a certain way, think the world operates in a said way.  In college, you look back and shake your head at your silliness.  That's what it's like now.  It has put a lot of things in perspective.  People always say live each day like its your last.  At the hospital, it's real.  You could be gone quicker than anything that anyone could do.

Like I said, world shaking.  Beyond that, I'm just busy and tired.  My new roommates are nice.  I'll talk about them later.  I have to study.  One test everyday.  GOOOD grief.  Coffee is gonna be my friend...

I just had my first week at my internship.  Let me just say this:  WHAT THE HECK.  I've never been so stressed, overwhelmed, and maddeningly busy in my life.  I was on the verge of tears and laughing manically this week.

Okay, I might be milking it, but I'll explain why.  Everyday we type around twenty pages of notes.  I have my first quiz on monday on one day's notes.  Other days next week will cover the other parts.  My boss is on vacation so I've had to go into work everyday after my internship.  SO, I get up everyday at 5 am, go to my internship til 3 pm, go to work for about 2 hours, run around trying to get stuff like bills/groceries/other stuff done, and I have about an hour left before I have to go to bed.  I didn't get much homework done.  And, there was a lot of other stuff I needed to run around and do.  I was going to go home this weekend, but with my exam and the fact that I am working today, that's pretty much mute.  Then, I'm moving next weekend.  Let's just say I am one stressed cookie.

The plus side is that I love my instructor for my course.  In some ways, she reminds me of myself, but in a good way.  She funny and easy to get along with, and I am in awe of how much she knows.  And, she's a great teacher.  She sets the bar very high, but she's busting her butt trying to find ways to help us make it.  My classmates are cool, but we're still kinda shy around each other.  The hospital staff are very nice, which shocks me.  I don't know why it shocks me, it just does.  Let's just say Scrubs is a lie.

I'm going to be busting tail these next few weeks.  Hopefully things will calm down so I don't have a mental breakdown.

I have to work on saturday.  It looks like I won't be coming home this weekend.  It makes me sad.  I hope I can next weekend. ;_;

Man, where did the time go?!?!?  My internship starts on the 27th.  I'm scared out of my mind.  I keep giving myself pep talks, but still freaked.  It's like starting high school all over again.

I may be making a trip home this weekend.  I'm not sure yet when or if.  My boss is going on vacation and she needs me to cover.  So, I have no clue if I can yet.  I'll know later on in the week.  Maybe be able to bug pengie while I'm home *wink*

Am I the only one who likes Avenue Q?  They seem to be coming to my college soon. ^__^

Beyond that, eh.  I'm not feeling good.  Just....battling self I guess.  I'll feel better after I get some sugar in me.

HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY MIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^^; I would have posted before, but my cousins visited me this weekend and they have a lot of energy!!  I love them to pieces, though.  Hope you had a good time with lots of cake!!

I'm doing okay.  I'm getting ready for my internship to start.  I've got a list of things I need to do, but it's slowly getting larger and less done.  I'll get it done, though.  I have to start getting up at 5 freakin am soon to get ready.  The internship is 6:30-3 monday-friday.  If I don't get ready for the early hours, I'm going to be a real cranky puss.

I finally got pictures to my cousin's wedding that I went to.  Very cool.  I'll be posting them soon.  I'm running a little behind this morning and I got a few things I want to do before I go to work.  So, later amiogos!!

Mostly been working a lot, doing a lot of experiments at work.  Can't really say much on that, I'm not allowed to talk about them.  Just a lot of stuff with plants and bugs.  I'm also going to be starting my internship soon, in July.  I have a few things to do for that yet (groan) but I'm getting there.  Beyond that, boring myself with movies and books.  Don't get me wrong, I love both.  But, I don't have a lot of variety.  I could go out to the movies or bowling, but I don't really have the money.  I have to save in case I won't be able to work during my internship, a strong possibility.  The weather was nice today so I went swimming. That was nice.  I played marco polo with people I don't know, but it was fun.  I also got some good music recently.  I got an Emerson Drive cd and a Terri Clark cd, both country singers.  VERY good.  I recommend Emerson Drive to anyone.

Oh, my apartment complex is tearing up the parking lot.  Yep, cut into the middle of the lot, practically all the way across.  How you get your car out is a challenge.  And, what upsets me about this is that NO ONE SAID ANYTHING!!  No email, no phone, not even a paper on the building warning us.  I nearly had my car trapped because of this!  ><

Oh, I was trying to watch Gokusen online.  The series is HILARIOUS live but the episodes take so long to find on youtube and watch.  Oh, well.  I don't think my computer will like if I download stuff onto it directly.  There is very little RAM, or so the little reminder tells me everyday.  Gokusen manga, on the other hand, has hit a wall it seems.  I'm also trying to read Papillion, but the third book isn't anywhere to be found.  I'll just have to be patient and wait....grrr.

I'm hungry.  Time to eat something...edible for a change.

I don't know why I keep dropping off the side of the earth.  But, I guess because I have had nothing new to report.  But, I'm gonna change that.

I recently went to a Keith Urban concert.  It was AWESOME!  The lights, the sound, everything!  I can't stress this enough.  The songs were wonderful and he stop SEVERAL times so the audience can sing.  It was incredible.  I haven't been to many concerts in my life, this was a high point in my life.  I'm glad I went.  Just, wow.  Oh!  And he invited someone on stage!  He liked her sign.  It said: "Dog ate my last sign.  Give a smooch to save a pooch".  XD

I also got some good music recently.  Carrie Underwood and Garth Brook's live cd, both of which are great.  I've notice something about MP3 players.  They're great, but you really need to get new music.  You can really make yourself sick with the songs you have.  I'm thinking about getting another cd, but I'm debating.  My internship starts soon and I'm worried about money.  Yes, once again.  I don't know why I'm so worried about this, I can take out a loan.  I guess I'm worried about being stuck with 3 dollars left and having to beg.  I hate asking for money.

I've also started to dabble in writing.  Not exactly my forte, but I wanted to try.  I just had this idea for a story and wanted to try it atleast.  We'll see.  I'm a deviantart junkie.  I look at stats and foolishly have them equal value.  Those stats are like cake, they're lies!

I also went to the movies.  I went to see Madea Goes to Jail but I was disoppointed.  I like Tyler Perry and I love it on stage.  It was nothing like the play, for starters.  I mean, I could let that go if I enjoyed the story.  But, I just couldn't get into it.  I also rented movies a lot.  I watched the movie The Painted Veil, which was good.  It's a good story but quite sad.  I also watch Eragon, which sucked in my opinion.  I got some books I wanted but I lost the drive to read them.  Oh, well.

Now I am off to amuse myself.

My spring break is almost over.  I promised myself that, since this was going to be my last spring break, that I would do something.  I had plans to make crazy, one day trips to places and wild times.  Reality is, no.  The weather was lousy in the start, so I just pushed it off til later in the week.  Then, I get sick.  But, it wasn't a total loss.  I did stuff that was odd for me and it was still fun.  I didn't go crazy, but many of my plans can still happen.  I'll just wait til the weather gets warmer ^___^  Here's what I did:

-I slept A LOT.  Considering the schedule I normally have, GLORIOUS.
-I went and found a small beach near here.  Well, it's more of a big creek but it was nice.  I especially like how I found it despite the fact that I just got into my car and went.
-I rented a lot of movies and hung around just watching them.
-Went shopping a lot and got clothes.  I also ate out a lot, which was nice.
-I went to the movies and watched Twilight twice.  I have never went to watch a movie twice at the theaters.  I'm so addicted to this, it's scary.  I'm waiting for the DVD...I think. ^_^  I may even go and watch Taken tonight.
-My aunt and uncle came to visit me and I spent time with them.  This made my week.

It's not a lot and certainly not very exciting.  But, it was relaxing.  Something I needed.  I wish I could have had the courage to do the other stuff.  But, the weather being what it was, it probably wouldn't have been what I wanted.  And, without a fun, not exactly safe either.  But when the weather becomes better, I might.  My new cellphone is one its way.

Grrrr....My life is so screwed up.

First, I am once again fighting with my mom.  I'm to the point of just telling her not to talk to me anymore.  I don't want to be the type of person who doesn't talk to their mom in years.  But, no matter how hard I try, it always seems to come to that.

My phone broke.  Like, in half.  Now, I gotta get a new phone.  Does anyone with verizon wireless know if it is cheaper to a)get a phone online and have the sim card placed in for a fee or b) go to the verizon store and get a phone from there.  My dad pays for my phone so I don't think we have a contract now to cover the new phone.  Yes, I am just as confused as you are with that statement.

Sigh.  A guy I like is coming back for the weekend.  He had to go away for an internship so we didn't try dating thing.  I like him but it's just not going to work (for many reasons).  Now, he may or may not be at my apartment for the weekend.  I don't know what I'm gonna do.  I want to play the coward's way out and just not be there that weekend.  But, that won't solve anything.  I'll probably be a coward.

I FINISH the twilight series!  So good!  I must say, I have a love/hate relationship with Bella.  Sometimes, I like her and sometimes I wanna ring her little neck.  After reading the final book, I am impressed with this author.  I could clearly tell she writes young adult books, but the final book really hints at a more advanced level.

I got some music and the box set of Burn Notice, season one. ^__^ That man is soooo hot.

I have a big exam next week.  But, after that, SPRING BREAK!  I'm going places!  I'm making a list right now since I haven't had a real spring break yet.  I'll post that later.  Now, I gotta get stuff done.

^______^ I finally got myself an MP3 player!  It's nothing fancy, but I'm happy with it and  don't regret buying it.  It's a zen shuffle, 4 G.  Good enough for what I have.

Meh, I got work later and it's my roommate's birthday.  We're going to red lopster later, her parents are treating.  Well, I THINK we are.  She tends to say she wants to do something, but doesn't really follow through.

I am on 2 waiting lists for the last book in the twilight series.  I found out my sister has the entire set at home.  If I  didn't need to save money, this would call for a trip. Maybe my sis/dad will mail the last book to me so I can finish it *crosses fingers*

>< My water bottle tipped over in my room and covered my library books, one more so.  Grrr...I don't want to have to buy a new book for them, they'll charge me more than if I find it on my own.

I'm suppose to be at my TA class today, but she said I didn't have to be there.  On the one hand, I'm glad because I can use the time to study for my exam later.  But, I also feel bad.  I like TAing.  I just wonder if she doesn't like having me there.  I'm probably overreacting.  She was nice to let me have off today for my exam and there wasn't much to do today that she couldn't handle.  Still, I feel bad.  I don't know if she let me off to be nice or because she didn't want me there. *sigh*

Man, I have not been updating lj a lot.  It's not personal, my life is very dull and routine.  And, it seems like every time I post something here, it's negative. 
( TMI )

On a lighter note, I finished reading twilight and new moon.  It's sad how addicting these books were.  Bella and Edward can get on my nerves.  They seem so young and obsessed with each other, to the point where is seem unhealthy.  The second book was better in that regard.  But then, these are young adult books.  Yep, I must be growing up.  The movie....there are parts I like (I've only seen the bits from online) and it was close to the book.  I have to fault the Edward character.  Edward has a personality and it was hard to see when he acted like him.  Same will Bella, but not to his extent.  Still good though.  I love this part because it is so raw and realistic.  Other great scenes are the baseball game and the cooking scene. 

( quoties! )

Getting the second book from the library was AGONY.  There was suppose to be a copy there, couldn't find it.  Asked for help looking, still couldn't find it.  Went and asked the front desk, was sent into the stacks (the NONFICTION stacks, by the way) and went on a wild goose chase.  Sent back down to the first area.  And, I did this because of 3 reasons.  1) I was going NUTS not being able to read this book.  2) It said it was there, it should be there! 3) After not locating the second book and placing a hold, I went to find another of here books.  On the catalog, 2 copies of this book were listed to be there.  ALSO not present!  All this was on friday.  Guess when the book showed up?  Yep, saturday.  And that's when I looked!  It could have been there earlier.  ><

I got into the internship at the hospital.   ^_________________________^ *happy dance*

Yay, I had my doctor's appointment today.  Good news is my insurance is good!  The kinda good news is I had blood drawn and I might get a MRI.  It's good in the fact that its covered and I'll find out what is going on.  The bad news is I have to call my mom and find out stuff.  I haven't spoken to her since new years.  Yay, this is going to be a hoot.

Happy New year everyone!

Well, I am back at school. It doesn't start until the 13th, but I have to work on Monday. I'm..not really in a good mood.

I look at my life right now and I am not happy. It became clear to me over break how much I give to people, how much I keep to myself, and how much people expect it. I give a lot to people, out of love and to be helpful. I use to not think about it, you know? I would actually want to help. But, I'm finding more and more that I keep helping and doing nice things because I'm expected to or because people believe that my helping them was a regular gift. It seems more and more that people keep taking and taking without thinking about what they are doing.

I got in a huge fight with my mom. She doesn't understand. I try to split my time equally with my parents. This holiday, I tried doing a little of what I wanted and split my time. It wasn't enough. I can see why she got upset, I only spent a few days with her. But, my dad only got a day more and the rest was out of my hands. I'm still hurt by what she said and I didn't do anything wrong. I don't want to be the type of person that doesn't speak to her mom. But, it seems like no matter what, it gets dragged to that point. I'm so tired.

edit One my internship letters came back. They said no. I hope my other ones will get approved.

I'm back! Visiting family there was nice and everyone was doing well. It was a mad house on the turnpike when we left but we made it. Have you ever visited your family and see things that they do that you do? It's so odd! Well, in a good way. It's strange how two people can grow up in different areas, by different people and still have a characteristic like you. My little cousin also gets hyper from sugar like me. ^^

Mia? Do you want to do something tomorrow? I have to visit a cousin whose going to Avganistan today. Trin, I hope you can make it too, but I know you got a busy schedule.

Hope everyone had a good xmas! I was all over the place and didn't have good internet to write. ^_^ Mine was pretty good. I got clothes that I REALLY needed. What can I say, when I had to replace the alternator, the starter, belts, and now the temp thing on my car, I don't have much left over. I just realized how many of my bills are due soon. *shakes fist*

I'll probably go back next week, but I don't know when yet. I wanted to see people before I went but *coughmiacough* hasn't told me if she's available. ;_; Trin has to work....

My grades came back. Some classes I did better in, but most was in the "ehh" range. Though, my sis is looking at another place I might be able to do my internship at! They would pay for my classes. Well, in a round about way. But, she has to send me this info ><

Grrr. I will be going to Pittsburgh later today so I will be out of reach til...monday? Heck, I don't know when we're getting back. Visiting relatives. I'm going to grab some foodies now.

Hey, Trin and Mia! Are you free december 29 til January 2 some time? I would really like to see you guys. I don't have any presents, but I come bearing the gift of insanity ^_^